In collaboration with TV2 Denmark, Danish Film Institute
A co-production with Radiator Film and Lowland-Fallstar
ALL FOR TWO
Some requirements have been met as 2/3 of the time has been served -
- so our recommendation will be based on the department's report ...
What the hell is this? How can you even consider parole?
- It's only been 8 months! - Please leave.
- This is an independent evaluation. - If he goes free, justice has failed.
Yes, thank you. Since you made the arrest -
- of Nikolai Hviid, you are obviously biased, so please remain silent.
How do you propose to stay clear of criminal activity in the future?
I'll avoid my acquaintances from the criminal environment.
And I've accepted employment at a place called The Titmouse -
- which I sincerely hope is a kindergarten and not a brothel.
Bullshit. As soon as he's out, he'll find Ralf and Timo Lieberman -
- which I stated in my report. You do the crime, you do the time!
- Don't parole him! - Leave!
- But ... - Now!
I don't think he's coming.
- You chew that shit really loud. - I have to eat something.
Arno's sleeping bag is still missing. His search for ...
Dad's back.
Every bottle counts when Arno and the other big-hearted alcoholics -
- struggle to make ends meet. This is:
DRUNKEN DADS
Jesus ...
Here you go.
Shall we settle your bar tab or flip for it?
Great idea! Let's shoot craps for it. How about doing it for the whole tab!
- It's 4,100 kroner. - Sure! We'll throw a single dice.
- You're on your own. - Settle your tab Friday.
- Or there'll be interest to pay. - Maybe we'll settle it right now!
Hm ...
- You now owe me 8,200. - Yes. Or we could throw again?
No. It's 8,200, and it's this Friday.
Then I'll have another club soda ... in interest.
Jens brought the nails for the arch -
- but then he drops them all!
- No! - Yes!
All over the place! And you know what I said?
I said: "Little Jenner, I do believe you have a screw loose!"
And they weren't screws! But nails!
Okay, Nikolai. Break's over. And Magnus has a little gift for you.
In brown paper.
Seriously, Magnus. No, no, no ...
Nikolai? Hi.
I'm Ane. Your contact here at The Titmouse.
Hi.
Do you need a hand with the pooped diaper.
- No, thanks. I'm fine. - She should've changed it.
Before going on her break. They did it to me, when I was new.
A little more shit in my life doesn't make any difference.
- We can talk later. - Yes. Let's do that.
Sounds nice!
- We don't throw toys here. - You're not my dad!
No, thank God for that! I've seen your mom.
- Hello, hello. - Hello.
- Aren't you new around here? - Yes.
I'm Ebbe.
Hi.
Do you know if they just washed the floors?
- I seriously doubt it. - Then I must've peed my pants.
- Could I have a bath at your place? - No.
When you pee, the flesh between the nutsack and your anus gets sore.
- Yeah, thanks ... - It's very unpleasant!
- Great place, you have here. - Thank you.
- Did you have a beer or ...? - No! Get your clothes and leave.
Sorry. Wrong window.
- What? - Could you take it next door?
No!
- Are you sure this is where he is? - I know what I'm doing.
- Do you have to keep eating those? - It was 3 for a 20, so I eat 3.
Had it been 5, I'd eat 5, and so on.
Are you farting? Damn, it stinks!
4 days on nothing but mints.
You can go forever on mints. When I was in the Home Guard -
- I survived an entire mission on mints.
As I recall, it was cancelled after 4 hours due to rain.
- Stick to the plan. - That's hard when you keep eating!
"I am coming to eat you!" the troll said.
"No, no! Don't eat me, I am so small ..."
- We threw you a release party! - You can't come here!
Read.
- I already read it. - To them. Come on, Nikolai.
- Jesus, Timo ... - Come.
Hi.
- Are you insane? - Is this stench normal?
- Yes! What do you want? - We've planned a job.
- It's foolproof. - I'm on parole!
Listen to me.
Yuck! They must be sick! Don't you have ventilation?
- If the Work Environment Board ... - Timo!
It's a sure thing. Loaded with cash. The easiest job ever!
The police confiscated 8 watches, total value: 400,000.
They're at their depot. You just walk in and grab them.
If you're skinny enough.
Did you notice Ralf? He's lost weight, huh?
We thought of everything this time.
- You'll steal from the police? - Why the hell not?
It's stolen goods. You can't be convicted for stealing stolen goods!
- I'm in a different place. - Reeking of dilated ass.
Timo, I want out.
- I'm starting afresh. - I'll say.
Disgusting!
"And the biggest Billy goat gruff had a puck ..."
"Puck?" That's gotta be a typo. It should say:
"The Billy goat had a fu..."
Ralf! Ralf! We're outta here.
If I were you, I'd think again. Come.
I did think, Timo!
I can't believe we don't mean more to him!
Why don't we do it ourselves? Just the two of us, Timo?
Come on, we don't need him.
The Lieberman brothers.
That was quick. He's already screwing up.
- Nikolai, the police is here. - Oh.
Ah, little sweetie.
Hello, Nikolai.
Phew. Shouldn't this place be ventilated?
- Is everything okay? - Fine.
- You like your new flat? - It's pretty much like your career.
- It could be better. - Perky.
- Hi. - Out! Police business!
But I'm Nikolai's contact here, and he's doing a great job.
Okay. Get out anyway.
- Okay. - Good.
How are Ralf and Timo doing?
I haven't seen them in ages.
Think long and hard, Nikolai. Because I ...
Let's go.
In the Billy goat gruff book it said -
- that the Billy goat had a puck.
Yeah, so?
- 'Puck' is a typo, right? - No, not at all.
Right, I knew that. What is a puck?
It's ... how do I explain it? It is a ...
In fairytales fabulous animals are usually neuter.
- Neuter? - You don't know their gender.
A troll is just a troll. You don't say man-troll, right?
So when it says it had a 'puck' -
- it's a mix of the words pussy and cock.
A puck. Yes.
Why not call it 'pock'?
- That is something entirely different. - Yeah.
It's just like with snails: They're what you call thermaphrodites.
Thermaphrodites, yes.
A snail changes gender depending on temperature.
When it's hot, it's a man snail, when it's cold, it's a lady snail.
So, when it's hot there are no ladies?
That doesn't matter, 'cause then they're gay.
Just like with people, and that's why there's always a sauna in a gay club.
Yes.
This is it.
Go on.
Fitness horse, fitness horse, burning down the house.
I just saw a noise!
What is it? No, no! Don't be afraid.
Where do you come from?
I come from my mom's .... my mom's tummy.
- The kitty is grumpy. Very grumpy. - Why?
Because ... I took a ride in its air balloon -
- and ate all the ... licorice. You shouldn't eat the licorice.
Always go swimming with an adult, an adult
- Never go out alone ... - Ah! There you are!
- Do you know him? - Only too well.
He's already taken off three times. Right, Niller? You rascal.
Rascal! He's harmless. He's just a rascal.
- Let's go home. Goodbye. - Goodbye.
- I asked for unsalted butter! - Objectively insignificant.
- It'll sting and itch. Objectively. - Come on already, whiney.
Don't forget your back.
Timo, if this isn't genius!
Remember what we agreed! Slow short tugs.
Nice and easy! Very smoothly.
Smoothly!
Come on! Stop fighting it!
- Are you okay? - I think my lungs collapsed.
They'll bounce right back. Open this thing.
Look over there. There.
Great, Ralf.
- Here ... There it is! Come. - Yeah.
That's not the watches. Do you even know what they look like?
Damn, I'm sick of it!
I don't see why we have to pay the same amount of cake money.
Of course, Asmussen insists. The fatass eats for two!
So he's basically paying half price! And we who chose healthy living -
- are being punished. Where are we? 21-09.
And 08-67, here we go.
And he always buys cupcakes. What the hell?
Hello! They're not called cop-cakes. We eat other cakes as well.
- Come on out, Ralf. - I can't!
Timo! Look!
Look ...
- Nikolai! - Arno, hi.
I need your help, Nikolai. I can't find Ralf and Timo.
Is this Drunken Dads? I don't want to be in it.
Pretend they're not there. I need to talk to Ralf and Timo -
- because we want to include them in an episode about rehab.
- You're going to rehab? - What?
Are you insane? It would simply help the storyline -
- and then I'll fall off the wagon in the next season.
- Next season? - We'll have to see.
But I'm not turning down 2,500 a week.
It's like having 4 paydays a month!
- I don't know where they are. - Hang on, Nikolai.
- What's going on, Arno? - May I give you a hug?
You should get on your way. Tell my boys I'll stop by.
Bye.
You should learn to flip out your badge at a moment's notice.
By presenting my badge I prove I'm law enforcement.
Even when I'm undercover. Like this: Police.
Civilian going for a walk. 'Police'. Civilian going ...
Well, well. Didn't I tell you?
Nikolai! Coochy coochy coo!
Did you see my car out there?
Was that a tequila calling my name?
- What the hell is going on? - Everything went as planned.
Let us know, if you want in next time.
Boys?
- Did you book two strippers? - Talk to that guy.
- The tiny dancer over there? - That's right.
- Hi! Awesome! - Nikolai, let's talk.
4 tequilas, and 2 for the girls.
Get off the bar! Now!
Nikolai, I'd like to ask you something. The job we just pulled off ...
- Yes? - It went great.
- How much did you get? - A lot. In cash.
I know we should keep a low profile ...
Ralf is a brassiere! I can add it to my résumé!
Look what Denise taught me! High beam, low beam, high beam.
Ralfie! You're blinding us!
Five minutes, guys. Body tequila. In there. Body tequila!
So ... we should keep a low profile, but Ralf tends to go off the deep end.
And this is a lot of money. What should we do with it?
It's your money! I'm just here to settle my bar tab!
I already settled it! It's what buddies do.
Arno says hi. He's looking for you.
Fine.
- I expect a housewarming invitation. - I have to find a place first.
But I did spot one. Look.
This one.
1.1 million? That should be possible.
- Are you working? - Do I look like someone who isn't?
- I'd rather not answer that. - Okay, well I am.
- I work at a kindergarten. - Oh? How exciting.
- Any savings? - I'm not sure.
Give me your account number, and I'll check.
Oh! You still have a Sesame Street account.
We should get you a checking account.
Is your old flat for sale, or do you have a deposit?
Something you can use as down payment.
No.
- I'm sorry, then we can't help you. - But I don't have overdrafts or loans.
- I'm afraid we can't help you. - I've been a customer here since ...
- I had my child's savings here! - Yes, the Sesame account.
And we're thrilled about that. But we have to decline.
- What's your name? - My name is John.
John, you know what, John? I want to speak to your boss.
One moment.
Our policy is, if you don't have money, you cannot obtain a loan.
If I had money, I wouldn't really need a loan. It goes without saying.
- I'd like to close my account. - Ouch. I hope we have 300 in cash.
When doing surveillance, stay undetected.
Stealth mode. Below the radar.
Stop! It's Lonnie!
- Again? She called yesterday, too! - You wouldn't understand.
In a family you take on responsibilities.
As a father I must be there for Heino and Lonnie.
Maybe something horrible happened.
Oh ...
- You want flames on that? - Yes. What are you buying?
Lonnie wants a fancy christening for Heino.
Shrimp cocktail, beef roast with crispy fat and three kinds of ice cream.
- Sounds a bit gross. - Not served together!
- Hi. - Hi.
- Want a beer? - I'd prefer a coke.
Driving? Oh right, you don't have one of those.
Timo, this is hard for me.
The reason I'm here is ...
- I need to ask ... - Here.
Thanks.
I just wanted to ask if ...
- Oops! Now that's a soda pop! - Shut up, Ralf.
Can I borrow some money?
No way! If you wanna join the Super Bowl -
- buy your own damn spurs! You're just jealous.
- Calm down. - I won't calm down!
He always talks about sticking together -
- but you don't wanna do shit! Now it's all for two. You're out.
Well, the reason he served time was that he covered for you.
Or does my memory fail me?
I talked to Niko, and we agreed on investing the money sensibly.
- Before we lose our cool. - Lose our cool?
Just listen to the man!
I don't need a lot.
It's for the down payment and as security for the loan ...
It'll be a good investment, and get you even more money.
More money?
And if you want out, you can always withdraw.
We made it perfectly clear ...
One moment, please.
Diodon hystrix. A porcupine fish. Incredibly strong.
With its powerful jaws it can crush shells, humans can't crush.
In some countries they kill it -
- inflate it and insert a light bulb in its anus.
Thus creating a highly decorative lamp.
Uhm ... the trophies. How did you get them?
Believe it or not, I was Danish welterweight champion.
- Not overweight? - Gentlemen ...
I bet you've never tasted a port quite like this.
A little pearl at 2,000 a bottle.
Thank you.
Mmm, cheers.
It ... it tastes a lot like the one you served with the rice pudding.
Yes, it's close. This is a tad thinner. A lot thinner.
In that case you should see this little treasure.
Château Lafite Rothschild 1889.
Valued at 250,000.
This bottle was found in Hitler's summer residence, Kehlsteinhaus.
And the curious aspect is that this wine doesn't officially exist.
It belonged to a secret private collector until it was stolen.
Which brings me to you.
It's a rather large amount of money you've suddenly acquired.
And in small unnumbered bills.
- How did you acquire it? - That is beside the point.
We're obligated to register a deposit of this size.
We're not depositing it. We wish to invest it. Sensibly.
A stock which is currently cheap is Hafnia Development Group.
What makes that so attractive?
When a stock is down, it can only go one way. Up.
Timo, you ask the dumbest questions.
If we invest, could that serve as obscurity for a loan for Nikolai?
Naturally. And if you want a piece of advice, financier to financier -
- an allocation of your liquid capital, in a recession perspective -
- would be the ideal solution. The current level of return -
- has the implicit effect that inflation is watering down your capital.
Nikolai?
Uhm, yes. I suppose that's what we'll do.
Imagine that! I'm a stockkeeper!
- Ralfie's flying first class! - Don't hire a butler just yet, von Ralf.
- For starters, my driver can shut up. - Can I get a ride?
Sure. Jump in.
Where do you wanna sit? No? Just as I thought.
The bus leaves from there. In one hour.
Get a grip.
- Thanks. See you. - See you.
You're so damn negative. Just because you've become a dad.
"I know what life is all about."
All I'm saying is that a little humility would become you ...
Pull your head out of the rocket launcher, Mr. Sourpuss.
Remember: Easy come, easy life.
How did it go at the bank? Everything okay?
Uhm ... yes.
- They lent you the money? - Yes. Or ...
... and has to meet with a hardened criminal.
See what happens right after the News.
Hafnia Development Group filed for bankruptcy today.
At the center of this scandal is William Lynge.
It is an unfortunate situation for Hafnia and its investors.
But your own shares were realized 48 hours prior to the bankruptcy.
There's no winner in this. I will now handle the estate -
- with great consideration for the investors. No more questions.
Hey ...! Hey, you can't go in there!
Hey! Hey!
Hello! I must ask you to stop!
We want our money right now.
- I apologize. - It's okay, John.
- How may I help you? - Just get our money.
- The company went down. - It's our damn money!
It is an unfortunate situation that could not be anticipated.
What the hell do I tell Lonnie? Huh?
We were poorly advised. I know there's a bank board ...
The Bank Board would love to know where you got the money.
Good day.
Yes, good day.
- What a bastard. - We have to take him down.
- I still don't get the stock thing. - Where are you going?
- Home. - What about our money?
Yeah! It's our money. He owes us. We have to get it back. Period!
We need to calmly think it through, so we don't make it any worse.
Think it through. I'll stop by before work tomorrow.
Let's go!
Oh, cool.
Anything to report?
Yes. The Lieberman brothers spent the night in the warehouse.
- Nikolai Hviid just arrived. - Aha ...
Have you seen my yoghurt?
What I'm saying is ...
- Do you want a coke? - No. Thanks.
So, we agree that Ralf's and my plan worked perfectly last time.
- Yes. - We came up with a new plan.
- You came up with a plan? - Lean back and pay attention.
We need some rope, black clothes and three sports bags.
How the hell did we get a helicopter?
How much did you drink last night?
Hard to say.
We have this deal. Once a week a truck fills up our shack with beer.
Maybe you should put that on hold, till you know if you have any money.
We have to get it back. I'm not telling Lonnie the christening is off.
We've ordered slush ice, beer kegs, a rodeo bull and a bouncy castle.
- We're having clowns flown in. - You'll just have to cancel.
I promised Lonnie! Do you see this ring?
We're engaged.
- If I don't do this, she'll leave. - You ordered slush ice?
Slush ice?
Topped with vodka.
If you want your money back ...
Hubbub! Not 'you'. 'We'.
I can't move a muscle. Toke's watching my every move.
He watches us, too! He's like a cyclops.
A what?
- A cyclops. A thing with one eye. - No, no, no. That's a unicorn.
- A what? - A unicorn. From the Icelandic Sagas.
A unicorn is a horse with one eye.
It's Icelandic. 'Uni' means 'one', and 'corn' is short for cornea.
And you're sure of that.
Haven't you heard of the Icelandic horse?
- Icelandic horse? - A fat fringy one with thick nails.
Okay, you win. Never mind.
- A horse doesn't have nails. - Sure! Or they'd hurt their paws.
- I've heard of that. - How do we get our money?
- I'm out. - You lost our money!
Lose the attitude and get in gear. Tell us what you've come up with.
Okay. I googled the bank manager and found loads of articles.
He's a financial golden boy. There's this picture -
- where he's next to his wife, Therese.
- A hottie. - What if we had his wife?
No, thanks. I have my hands full with Lonnie.
If we had his wife, maybe we'd get our money back.
- Ah, like in the Mel Gibson movie? - Exactly.
But how will we get hold of an army of Scottish peasants?
Not that movie. The one where his son is kidnapped.
- I like the other one better. - I agree.
Great idea! We'll do it so that she hardly notices.
Gently.
We'll make a pink room with fruits and candles. Women love that stuff.
She won't want to leave. It'll be like a vacation.
- Lonnie always talks about vacation. - They love it!
- We've never done it before. - If we fail, we're doomed.
Then let's vote for not failing. Okay?
Or you could call Lonnie and cancel the christening.
We just have to be careful, Timo.
Therese Lynge keeps her horses at Winterburg -
- and she goes riding 4 times a week. You grab her, and when I'm off work -
- I'll go shine up the room and have it ready for her.
- Now what? - Now we keep an eye out.
- Almost! - It can't be. You win or you don't.
But I was really close. I really want to win some money.
- You could work for it. - Nope, I couldn't.
Play the odds. There's a better chance of winning.
- Why? - Because you use your brain.
But that won't help you much.
- I once won 300 betting. - I remember.
- You lost it to me afterwards. - Bad luck.
- You were stupid. - It could've been a tie!
When has a badminton match ever ended in a tie?
I'll lie down for a minute. Keep watch.
- What if she doesn't show? - Then she'll show tomorrow.
Just keep an eye out.
- Why do you have to sleep? - I didn't sleep well last night.
Heino cried all night, and Lonnie constantly had to get up.
But you wouldn't understand. You only think about yourself.
That thing you said about work. We could be strippers.
The strippers I got charged 1,500 apiece.
And?
"And?" That's a lot of money! What if this fails?
We could do male stripping and call ourselves Teddy Bear and Lollipop.
Teddy Bear and Lollipop?
- A dildo show gives an extra grand. - Men don't do dildo shows.
- Why not? - What would they do with a dildo?
- Yes! - No!
Barney Pebbles is totally related to Tarzan.
1: They both wear leopard. 2: They ...
That's her. It's her.
Yes. Very good.
I'll ride Jasmin today. Have her ready in 20 minutes.
- I don't believe it ... - What?
Nothing. Stay.
Well, hi there! What are you doing here, boys?
- They can't film here, Dad. - We're almost done.
We're shooting a scene with me finding bottles in trash cans.
You never do that!
No, but it makes for good TV. The life of the rich and then me.
The contrasts in Danish society create a powerful symbolism, they say.
- They're just using you. - Oh, I don't think it's that bad.
You can't film us. Okay?
Okay.
I think I'm supposed to fall asleep shortly, anyway.
- Sleep well, Dad. - Sure.
- Did you rig it yet? - What?
All done?
Fiona? Are you seeing anyone?
No.
Me neither.
What a shocker.
I thought about it, but police work doesn't allow for love to blossom.
Unless of course you find a kindred spirit.
Someone you have something in common with.
That was fast.
'Service and reliability' is our motto.
- And you are Therese Lynge? - Yes.
- And this is your car. - Yes.
Fine. We don't steal cars, you know.
- Thank you. - Ralf, you drive.
This is a time to be alert.
Stay focused.
Yeah. The difference between life and death.
It's just like being a fighter pilot. In combat. Behind enemy lines.
One second of inattention may mean you're dead the next.
A preferable outcome sometimes.
Oh ...
What? They've returned!
Be careful with the lady.
If this is a kidnapping, it seems rather amateurish.
We've got nothing to do with this! We were just hired to pick you up.
Please take this off my head. It reeks.
Why did it take you so long?
Uhm ... we had to change cars, and then ...
I don't want excuses. Don't let it happen again.
- Yes, boss. - And you: Yes, boss.
Fine. Off you go.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Bye-bye. We'll take it from here.
What is this all about? It must be a misunderstanding.
I apologize if they roughed you up. We don't usually work with them.
No, we don't even know their names, so ...
Is this a brothel?
- You are Therese Lynge, correct? - I think we've established as much.
Remain calm. This doesn't have to be unpleasant.
Then ask your tow guys to remove their masks.
Those guys left already. We're two other guys.
- And you're married to one of them? - What?
- You're wearing the same ring. - We're not interested in you.
- Then I think you should untie me. - Oh, right. I'm sorry.
It can be quite dangerous. It could lead to a coronary.
Whenever I take a plane, I always wear support hoses.
- I went to Bulgaria with Lonnie ... - Show her the slides later.
- Your husband owes us money. - My husband?
Yes. Your husband. William Lynge.
This is pathetic. Can you say ex-husband?
Oops, the piggies are confused.
- You did check up on it, right? - Yes ...
- We divorced 6 years ago. - How old was the article?
I have to check, okay? I'll have a look. Stay here.
- Now what? - Stay calm.
If you want some fruit or something, just let us know.
Consider us your servants. Call Tom or Jerry.
- Tom or Jerry? - Yes. Call out if you need anything.
And then we'll bring you fruit.
- Tom? - Yes?
- I'm Tom! - No. I'm Tom. You're Jerry.
- I don't wanna be Jerry! - For fuck's sake, Ralf!
It's just made up to keep our real names secret!
F... Fiona! Something's happening.
What?
He has a pig on his head.
- You can't arrest him for that. - A pig on the head is bad news.
- I'll call for backup. - No! This is my case!
- I'm Tom! Or I'm out! - Then I'm Jerry.
- Yes. - Damn it, Ralf!
- You get your way! I don't care! - Well, I do!
- Happy? - Yes, 'cause I'm Tom! As agreed!
We'll go back there. Try calling on us again.
- Ralf? - Yes?
Thanks for ruining everything.
DIVORCE
What do you call a hooker in a skirt made of cork?
A corkscrew.
What are you doing? Put on your masks!
- It's pointless, Nikolai. - It totally backfired.
- He could still have feelings for her. - You obviously don't know him.
- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't want to talk to a pig.
No! We're not talking to a swine.
Your tactics are all wrong.
- So what are the right tactics? - I won't talk to a pig.
Chill out, man.
We lost a lot of money to your ex-husband.
- I'm having a christening. - With slush ice.
Everyone remain calm!
The time is now 16:38, and you're under arrest.
For doing what?
- Uhm ... for criminal activity. - Crap!
- This day didn't turn out so great. - Please do your best to shut up.
But it's ... yes.
When do kids stop pooping their pants?
I don't know. I work in the infant section.
- And they all poop their pants. - The pedagogues, too?
Maybe when they start walking.
- It's called 'going' to the bathroom. - Maybe Heino walks when I get out.
Don't even start! Whatever she said is a lie.
- Get out. - What?
She claims she was there voluntarily.
Beat it.
I don't understand what happened yesterday.
So, it was a normal day for you.
- What about you? - Powerful comeback.
You know what I think happened? The Stockholm Syndrome.
- The Stockholm Syndrome? - Yes.
She fell in love with her kidnapper. I noticed how she eyed my body.
Why else would she notice my engagement ring?
Thank God, I'm used to women's lustful glances.
Otherwise I'd have been all flustered. If you knew how many offers ...
Therese?
- Of course. Have a seat. - Hey.
Why didn't you turn us in?
You want your money back, right?
- Yes. - I asked you a question.
I know what William is doing.
For years now, William Lynge has bought his way into insolvent firms.
He advises people to make high-risk investments.
Through his majority holding and shell companies he reaps great returns.
For a while there you spoke Danish and then suddenly gibberish.
- He screws people over. - Okay.
He keeps an old-fashioned account book in his safe.
That way there are no e-mails, no files.
His office is the only room without surveillance.
Nothing can be documented.
- The safe he opened with his ring? - Yes.
- You need the ring to ... - He never takes it off.
That book would put him in jail.
Get the book, and you can blackmail him for everything he's got.
And then you'll get your money back.
- You want revenge? - He'll see who's a failure.
And why would we help you?
I think you'll do a better job than the police.
But I could have another chat with them.
I think that's a terrible idea.
I thought so.
- All we need now is his ring. - The ring he never takes off.
What if we use another one?
- No. Stop it. - But if we make an imprint of it.
- Please don't ... - Not bad.
- The article says he boxes. - Oh, the old article?
The one that said he's married? Great. Let's use that again.
Maybe we'll find an ad for Dirty Dancing on Betamax.
Okay, Timo. Thank you.
What I'm saying is ... You've been in your fair share of fights.
I've served up a few punches in my time.
- Oh, no! I'm not fighting that psycho. - Come on, Timo. It's the perfect plan.
We need an imprint of the ring. One punch will do.
Can't you provoke him a little?
What are you doing here?
Piss off, this is a private club.
- We think you're ugly. - I'll learn to live with it. Goodbye.
I mean really ugly. You look like a really ugly man.
And you smell like pee.
- Pee? - Yes.
Do you pee in bed?
Do you?
Pee-Lynge. Huh? Reeks of ...
... morning man pee.
Morning man pee?
Hey, meathead. Your mom says hi.
She had a fun story about her turning tricks ...
My mother was a corporate lawyer, so I doubt you're referring to her.
The difference between the street and a marble floor is just the price.
- Either way, she's a hooker. - Shut your mouth. Right now.
She went under the name The Circus Tent -
- because she had garlands of sperm all over her face.
And she was always bruised in the face from all the nut slapping.
- Get in the ring. - Super! Timo?
No.
You.
No, uhm ... I don't box. Timo's the one who ... who boxes.
Whether in the ring with gloves or out here without them, you're boxing.
No, Timo's the one who ...
Now!
Now.
Watch out, Ralf.
Look how slow he is!
You're so unfit you lose your breath chewing gum.
You couldn't hit an elephant.
Stop! He's done.
- Man! - You hit like a girl!
- Argh, man ... - I thought Timo would box.
He's more afraid of Lynge than of Lonnie.
- Shut up. - Where's the glove?
- Over there. - I totally had him ...
I was in the corner, and he ...
He was scared senseless.
Perfect. But we need help accessing the bank.
Arno, do you have a minute?
You'll have to be quick about it, Nikolai.
I have to start crying in a minute.
- What are you upset about? - We haven't decided.
Listen. I need your help.
Talk to me.
Okay, we were fooled, Arno.
Timo and Ralf lost a lot of money, and we want it back.
So, we need to get our hands on a black book inside a bank safe.
- Yes? - Paper boy.
In the flat above the bank lives 78-year-old Gertrud Schmidt.
Hearing aid?
- I don't think so. - No, you don't think so!
But we will perform a hearing test here in the comfort of your own home.
Hearing test take-away: We come here. You lend us your ear.
But my hearing is just fine ...
It's free of charge. Why miss out? We'll put these on you ...
- Comfortable? - What?
My assistant will make various noises behind you.
Lift one finger, when you hear a sound.
And back on. Here we go. Ready.
- Ready. - Yeah ...
- Hang on. - You're not ready?
- Yes! I'm ready. - Let's drill.
Okay.
Timo, it's all wrong! You're in the wrong place.
It's wrong!
You hit his coffee!
John.
What's this?
Uh, yes. That doesn't look good.
- You made the coffee? - Yes.
- Then you drink it. - Shouldn't I just make a fresh cup?
- No, of course ... - Yes.
- The man's insane! - What are you talking about?
- Are you on the job, or what? - Yes. Further to the left.
The other left.
- Yes! That way. - We need to go in there.
- Uhm ... - What?
- We have to move the chair. - Why?
- We'll try to turn the sound around. - Turn it around?
Yes, to make sure you're not ... left-eared.
- Left-eared? - Birger? Give me a hand, please.
What a ride!
- Hi. - Hi.
What's going on?
I'm ... bird watching.
Ralf!
- Why do you have a walkie-talkie? - What the hell is happening?
I threw a walkie up in a tree, and now I make mating sounds.
And this bird is a ...
... finrow. Half finch, half sparrow.
Not to be confused with the Coo-chi Snorcher.
- What the hell are you doing, Ralf? - I had a visitor.
- Can I start drilling? - Well ...
Stop! Timo!
- Stop! Stop, damn it. - What? We're through.
Excellent! You just stay put and relax.
AQUARIUM SERVICE
Don't say any more than you have to. Do you have the pregnancy test?
- I have had an actual job before. - Yes. But still.
I was such a dedicated worker, that I worked on weekends.
Perhaps you should've told the brewery.
There's no gratitude in the world.
You're not alone. It's literally a pandemic.
I'll test for what I fear the most: Tiger fungus.
Or Pussycat mushroom as it's called in Latin.
It's the most aggressive form there is and also infects humans.
If you have an open wound, then ...
Never heard about it.
No, we don't want to stir up a panic, so we're keeping it under wraps.
Yes. And now we wait.
One bar means Tiger fungus, and two bars mean it's airborne -
- and that it's time to crap your pants.
Well, well! I see you have supplies ...
- Yes. For the bank's VIP clients. - Oh.
As I suspected!
It's Tiger fungus.
I'll have to put this aquarium under quarantine.
- What do you mean? - It must be treated with liquid CFC.
It's etched itself into the glass.
I brought a substitute aquarium that I'll put up right now.
- No, thanks. - Sure!
- I don't need it. - It's part of our service package.
There. I'll be back Monday to fill it with water and minerals -
- to make it habitable for new fish.
Have a good day.
Goodbye.
- What's that? - Water.
- Bad idea! - This has taken too long already!
We'll fill it with water. End of story.
Mineral granulation!
- What? - You might get a ...
... mineral granulation due to the calcium in the pebbles.
- You need to switch on the pump. - Fine. Do it.
Have a good day now.
Ralf?
- What the hell are you doing? - After 9 hours in cold water?
What do you think?
- Damn. - Ti... Timo, where are my clothes?
Yo... you can't be serious. Thanks for no...thing!
I can't believe it, man.
- No! - Seriously!
It must be night security, or maybe there's a chip in his ring. Fuck!
Le... let's go get some hot chocolate.
Shut up!
It's right there!
If we ...
If we had two ...
Two what?
Well, knitting needles or ...
Oh, but I brought knitting needles in case we had some spare time!
- What the hell are you talking about? - Something to grab it with!
Use the sword ... over there.
Yes.
I ha... have to think of everything, Timo.
- Ralf! - Shh!
Shh!
Quiet.
Goddamn it!
The door! It's closing, Timo!
Damn it, we're locked in! We'll never get out!
- We can short-circuit it! - Yes, let's short-circuit the bank!
The door must be rigged to open in case of a fire.
Like in an emergency ... No, Ralf. It's armoured glass!
I'll short-circuit it.
- Are you okay, Ralfie? - It got me on the snout!
Give me a hand.
Come on!
- There. Come. Come on. - Give me your jacket.
- I'm not doing it. - I'm a dad! It's better you do it.
You're hardly current-carrying.
It works!
What the hell? Why did you let go?
It's not exa... exactly a pleasant experience.
Go on, Ralfie Just 10 more seconds. You can do it.
Come on!
Are you okay, Ralfie?
I am not ... sure.
- Did you just shit your pants? - I don't know! I'm a bit confused.
Yuck! Come on, boys. Come on!
Fuck!
Good day, gentlemen.
- How did you know we were here? - Basic police work, Nikolai.
How about we take that bag?
Thanks for your help.
That's my bank.
What's going on?
It's them! It's them again! This stops now! Arrest them!
I'm William Lynge, I'm the CEO, and I can explain what led up to this.
Can you explain this?
- That doesn't prove anything. - That's not what she says.
Toke Rude Trangbæk, Crime Squad. It's now 00:32. You're under arrest.
What?
Don't! Don't touch me.
Don't touch me! I'm not done with you three.
You'll regret this!
I'll have a word with my lawyers.
- Good job, Toke. - You think so?
- Boys ... - Get it over with and arrest us.
Some of us are freezing.
- I made a deal with Therese. - About?
If you want the big fish, you gotta let the little ones go.
- We'll have a friendly chat Monday. - Yes.
Now what?
What about Heino's christening?
Without the book we'll never get the money.
You stink like hell, Ralf!
It hurts to be electrocuted! So, a little gas escaped me.
It's running down your legs! You stink of burned shit.
- You're not getting into my car. - Yes!
- No, you're not! - Hey, guys! What about our bonus?
A little bottle of vino worth 250,000.
- You got the wine? - There's enough for everyone.
Nothing special. It would've been better in a sauce.
I don't believe this.
I don't believe it! No!
Dad!
Nikolai!
Arno's two sons have a huge debt.
In a desperate attempt to raise money, they've started stripping.
Arno got them their first gig and has come along for support.
- I don't think the flat is half bad. - Oh?
Allow me to introduce: Teddy Bear and Lollipop!
Preparations have taken weeks, and finally it's showtime.
Arno is very proud that his sons made their own choreography.
- The music is pretty good. - And the tiny one's got rhythm.
Lose the clothes!
Take it! Slap it on your nipple!
Find another prop, then!
Subtitles: Tina Goldberg Dansk Video Tekst